A SERIOUSLY SUPER SPECIAL THANKS TO DAVID OF THATMOMENTIN.COM FOR CREATING AND PROVIDING OUR FEATURED IMAGE FOR THIS SERIES!!!!
(BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES – 1973)
As our story concludes….
Having repopulated the planet with filthy ape babies, who are now fully grown and “of age” for consensual sex, Caesar and his wife, Lisa, have become bored, lost in the doldrums of family life, discontent with the mundane. Coffee in the morning… sex before pancakes and ape eggs… off to work with ape briefcase in hand while she does her womanly ape chores, Nooner sex during the lunch hour, filthy ape cocktails on his return home. Horny ape sex before the nightly news… roasted beef for supper and then some ape sex before retiring from slumber.
This is not what they imagined back when he was a young ape stud and she was a filthy ape hooker whore call girl escort. Where was the night life?? Where was the Angel Dust?? Where were the quaaludes?? The open air blowies and the subtle dry humpings at the ape airport??? Finally, in this last installment of the series, Lisa breaks.
“Caesar,” she says one day, shuffling through their filthy ape hut. “Caesar… I need something from you.”
Intrigued, Caesar, replies in his most passive aggressive yet inquisitive way,
“OOOH OOOH AAAAH AAAAH??!!!!!”
“Caesar,” she commands, in control and direct. “I want to hold an orgy.” Fully cementing her apely desires with some steely and controlling eye-acting!!!
#staringapes
“OOOH AAAAH AAAHH!!!!!” he whimpers using the same pose he used earlier because there’s not that many google images of this movie that fit this type of post.
Being sound and logical filthy apes preparing to hold an orgy, a tribunal was formed to determine the rules and statutes concerning The Big Event. After unmerciful sessions of arguments and conference calls using tree trunks (think about that for a second), volleys from side after side, endless and blabbering dialogues and eternal testifying, one rule was agreed upon. During the Great Ape Orgy (as written in chalk in all capitals):
A date was set!!! Apes groomed themselves!! Male apes shaved their ape pubes because that was fashion at one point! Female apes trimmed into Landing Strips! Spanish Fly was ordered from all around the world!! And then… the big day came (literally) (HA!)
As all of the filthy fucking apes gathered to do some amazing fucking over and over and over and over and over – a statue was unveiled. Its purpose? To remind the filthy fucking apes that “APE SHALL NEVER KILL APE” no matter how passionate, perverse, intense and balling The Ape shall get during the Great Ape Orgy.
As ape got into position, ape dong out, ape taco ready, ape blowie at the beckoning and ape handies lubed and set, a nervous Caesar watched his ape stopwatch. How would this go??? How would this end??? How many apes would enter his wife?? How many apes would enter him??? How many times would the author misspell “Caesar”??? Did anyone even miss the author since he’s been away??
And then, after HOURS and HOURS of ape fucking, the final shot was made and The Event came to a close. And it came to a close in the only way this could ever possibly end. Since we all know that statues made out of rock can’t cry, this had to end with an……..
#apefacial
That’s it! I hope you guys liked this! That will probably do it for me for awhile. I miss interacting with everyone : ( I’ve been busy trying to find a job, catch up on sleep, replacing my hot water tank, grouting my tile and just haven’t felt like doing much writin’. I’ve watched a TON of movies over the last six weeks but just haven’t felt like saying too much. Hopefully one day I’ll get back into the swing of things. I always thought my last post would be ROCKY BALBOA to finish up my Rocky series, so maybe I’ll try and put one together soon. I’m trying to finish this post on Monday the 5th of October before I fly to New Jersey for a job interview on the 7th and some of you might remember how much I’m scared of flying, so I’m putting this out in case I crash down and die a fiery death.
I’ve really loved the last few years we’ve spent together. I really have! I’ve made lots of great friends and you know who you are. Always feel free to email my any time at ei@theipc.me . I know I’m not the best at getting back at email lately so that may sound like something stupid to say but I do try. And when I use the words “I try” I mean – I’m not good at my smart phone or iPad – #teamkeyboard is how I do things and I haven’t been around one much these days.
Some bloggies like to talk about their stats but I never have – I never started this for hits or anything (only to talk about bad horror with my friend – not on our work servers – where I don’t work any longer) but I thought I’d share something that blows my fucking mind. I’ve had almost 60,000 comments out here. I don’t even fucking believe it. I already left the stats page but I think I had three comments in 2012-2013. You all FUCKING RULE!!!
I know we will grow apart and it’s apparent that we have already started but I have truly enjoyed everything we’ve done together. Most of you won’t remember The Probies or the dueling reviews we had at some other sites but – I do : ) : ) : ) I remember Isaacs Interviews and Giallorama and Afternoon Delight with Mrs THE IPC and Let’s Sneak Into the Drive In… that was all good fun (I think I might miss Giallorama the most)!
I do love you guys – I’m off to work on the movie trailer (if we haven’t emailed – I’ve got a professional movie trailer company on the ready to get our footage and cobble it all together). I wish you ALL the FUCKING BEST!!!!! I hope you ALL SUCCEED and WIN!!!! I give you ALL of my good FEELINGS!!!!! Know: I read your stuff but without keyboard, I suck at commenting.
I’ve never been a good goodbye person – because we’ll meet again in some fashion so there’s no reason to say goodbye unless you’re one of those people I broke up with so long ago. So – hey – talk to you soon. The phone works both ways – call me! Please believe me that I wish you the BEST!! (Except Brian).
I could tag all night but I like these the best (in no order):
#thebestdeadbody
#lovekim
#sugarkidney
#jb
#giveitaname
#wanker
#rec3
#dustup
#swampthing
#apetacos
#spieslikeus
#cherries
#steveaustin
#octopitititties
#zobo
#sataniceyebrows
#satanicdoorknobs
#shitfestforever
#thisiswhatyougetforchewinggum
#teamminnie
Here’s a handful of my favorite posts that I made (that came from some time ago) if you felt like checking them out:
And there was always this:
THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE
Other than that, the Bistro is always open (like I said in THIS POST {at the bottom}) and we’ll be here getting our tits out and our Jager bombs on, and listening to some Clutch and Floyd but I may not do as much advertising.
